The Close of Another Chapter...

I guess it would only be a secret if the test was positive...
Blood Test confirmed it's a negative for babyville. bummer.

Found out on Monday but just haven't really known the words to share.

It's a major let down of course. I honestly don't know how people do this for years!! It is such a draining experience.

So now we are left with the "what now?" question... the answer is.. we don't know!

I don't know if I can do this all again in another 2 months. My body, my MIND!

Part of me wonders if God is giving me an opportunity to take care of other things in my life before having children, or maybe he is just trying to teach me patience..
or maybe he wants to be sure we appreciate it??
or maybe it's just not meant to be!??! I hate to think that....

How frustrating to be spinning in place not knowing which direction to go.

The only thing I can do is pray for God's help. At times, there are no specific words or thoughts that I can produce in prayer.. simply... "help"

I guess that is where I am right now. Waiting on guidance as to - what next?

Thoughts of going back to school cross my mind... but to wait that long to start our family?
I dunno... it might be in the best interest of my little pseudo family for me to go back to school.. do I really want to change gears like this? dunno.

But what are you going to school for, you ask? dunno. Have to settle on something - which, again, need some guidance...

SO, with all that said ~ here we are. back at square one.

I know there are many other couples struggling with this same trial and my heart goes out to them, as well as my prayers..

In the midst of all of this, I've identified a tight knit bond that singles & couples with infertility challenges have. there is a common bond, a longing and angst, there is great hope, excitement, eagerness and tremedous love, and with that, a sense of urgency to share that love with a being created in love...

As we wrapped up the end of this cycle, with tears and hugs, prayer and hope... we had to focus on the positives, as always - because if you don't, let's face it.. you just go crazy! (don't get me wrong though... there hasn't been a day this week that I haven't shed a few tears!!!!)

Jesse's first "look on the bright side" statement was... at least you don't have to have a shot every day!
To which I responded.. and you don't have to give one! ;)

I've been able to enjoy a margarita and a diet coke! (oh how I missed you diet coke.....)

I am happy to have the "two week wait" over and know the results. (whether I like them or not)

And, we have this time, for whatever reason, to use for whatever purpose God has for us.

I'll continue to blog with whatever.. I have to admit, I kinda like it!

Love to you All!!!!!