Tis the Season to be Thankful

I got a call back from the lady at the support group. She said they meet in the "Community Relations Room" but it is off-site!

So, me, the very directionally challenged individual that I am.. did not pay attention to the physical address listed.. I just assumed that the hospital was the location.

I will need to mapquest it so i actually know where i'm going this time.

We'll just call it a practice run!

Part of me feels bad for being short in my voicemail.. but part of me doesn't. It would be helpful to have some clarification in the literature. but anyways, I will try again next time! There's one on this Thursday at another hospital i might try.

My husband and I had a "spill our guts" conversation last weekend that was good, and much needed to continue healing. I know it helped me alot.

There have been some recent days that getting out of bed and going to work was one of the hardest things to do. And days that I had to take a personal day to deal with my crazy self.

We are looking forward to next weekend - my sister and her fiance are coming to visit and staying with us for a week! I just cannot wait!!
It's nice having something to look forward to, and giving me things to do as I prepare for their visit.

Holidays are difficult, watching kids with Santa and seeing their eyes glowing, and opening presents... I smile and laugh and get a warmth and happiness when I see it, but immediately after i get a stabbing pain in my heart and a sinking sick feeling in my stomach... I swallow hard and try to make it go away and not cry.

it can be embarassing to be such a cry baby at times, but i'm an emotional chick and that's also where i am in life right now.... so i just try to always have kleenexes! :)

There are a couple memorial services for Christmas that honor the lost little ones. I would like to go, and think I will, but i think it will take some pray for preparation.. it will be difficult.

I am grieving and praying for a friend that has lost a little angel, and she was due the day after Christmas. (Keep holding on girl! God gives us hope, and gives rest to the weary.)

I know it intensifies all the emotions, especially around a holiday, and dealing with the due date passing by and not having a little one to hold..

I have had thoughts recently about how this would have been the 1st Christmas for our first loss.. but, what other place to celebrate Jesus but in Heaven??
I long for my lost babies, but wow, they are spending christmas with the Lord.

What else could a momma wish for her baby if he/she couldn't be in her arms?

I continue to thank god for sending people into my life to help me through this trial..
I started talking to a lady who cometimes makes copies in my office as she doesn't have one and is just down the hall.
Somehow we got on the topic of infertility (she is a Nurse and you just never know what you'll end up talking about with nurses :) I mean that in a good way! I love them!) Anyway, her daughter went through infertility and now has a couple kids, but she is going to have her call me.

It's amazing how many women are effected by this problem, i am finding out. And how many have went thru the pain of waiting, and still are.
In a strange way it is encouraging because it means I am not alone.. WE are not alone in this journey.... but dang, it is a friggin' roller coaster!